You'll also say fewer swear words when you drop it for the millionth time

Sometimes it pays to have a phone that looks like this:

And not like this:

Like when your phone happens to fall out of your pocket as you’re making your way through the swarm of people at a free Bright Eyes concert. Because your phone is not password-protected, the person who finds it will text random numbers in your contacts to inform them of the situation, and when you call your phone after discovering its disappearance he will kindly offer to meet up with you so you can reclaim it. But just when you start thinking how lucky you are to have found a Good Samaritan in this sea of drugged-out hipsters, he will say “you’re lucky it wasn’t an iphone or something. I probably would have just kept it.” Classy.

So maybe the real hero of this story is Butch. Who, after discovering that the reason my phone wasn’t charging a few months ago was not because it is an old piece of crap but because I had somehow managed to melt chocolate into it, said “this is why we shouldn’t get you nice things.” Wise words, husband.