I work for a great company. Besides providing awesome benefits, quarterly bonuses, etc., they also take a great interest in the physical health of their employees. They provide a gym in the building for employee use, a discount on the "healthy choices" offered in the cafeteria, and various incentives for employees that make significant lifestyle changes. There are signs posted by every elevator in the building reminding you to take the stairs lest you be plagued by heart disease and obesity the rest of your life.
I am totally down with all these things. There is, however, one aspect of this "health culture" that just bugs me. And that is this lovely little thing called "no chocolate in the vending machines." Notice i did not say "no junk food in the vending machines", because those puppies are chock full of enough starburst, skittles, and other non-chocolate candy to send you into a diabetic coma. I'm no nutritionist, but isn't that crap just as bad for you as a kitkat or snickers? Last time I checked, Lorna Doone cookies are like 90% butter, and they can be found in abundance around here.
This really shouldn't bother me, because I don't eat candy very often, but when I do I pretty much only like chocolate. There are certain times when I crave it like a crack addict, and, let me tell you my friends, those are not times in which I like to be told that the machine in front of me will not dispense my drug of choice.
I got kind of excited a little while ago when the company decided that they could include dark chocolate in the machines, seeing as it has those antioxidant health benefits and whatnot. I love dark chocolate and would have been more than happy with this arrangement if the substance in the vending machines was in fact dark chocolate. It is not. It is Hershey's dark chocolate, which is apparently some sort of bitter, waxy substance. That stuff is a crime against man and a crime against nature.
I guess I could be all productive about this situation and email HR or something, but that would seem a little crazy (because writing a blog post about chocolate withdrawls isn't crazy? Anyhoo...), and besides, I am more into the whole "whining about something but doing nothing to change it" frame of mind lately.
Sometimes I do fantasize about buying vast amounts of chocolate at costco and setting it all over the office, though. It would be my own delicious way of Sticking It to the Man.
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2 comments:
I love this post, as another chocolate lover. I'm in the middle of a year without chocolate (since I don't think it's healthy to eat a jar of Nutella a day). Crazy stuff. You'd think I'd get used to it, but nope. Last week, I was at the brunch thingy and there was a jar of Nutella sitting by me. I didn't know anyone at the brunch and people weren't paying attention to me anyway, so I thought, "I could dive in with a spoon and no one would even know!" But I didn't. Maybe it's ridiculous because I still eat other sweets, like pie or cake that's not chocolate, but since chocolate is my preference, I don't eat as much as I would have . . . anyway. Have a lovely day!
A whole year without chocolate? You're a better woman than I am, Michelle. And I love Nutella. I could eat that stuff if it was spread on cardboard.
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